PARENT TOOLKIT
Smartphones are ubiquitous and addictive, and as adults we have a hard enough time keeping our own relationship with our phones in check. Protecting our children from the harm that they can do is so important and is going to require a collaborative, cross society effort. As parents, we need to come together and have these difficult and important conversations with each other, with our children and with their schools.
THIS TOOLKIT EXPLORES:
Headlines from the evidence
Tools - Put your phone back in its box
Talking to other parents
Talking to school
Smart phone alternatives
HEADLINES
-
Smart phones are addictive
If we struggle as adults to manage our relationship with our phones what hope do our kids have? 46% of teens say they use the internet almost constantly .
-
Smartphones lead to worse mental health outcomes
The advent of smartphone use among young people has coincided with increases in self harm, suicide, anxiety, depression and loneliness.
-
Age matters
The younger children are when they receive a smartphone, the worse their mental health outcomes.
-
Online bullying
The majority of bullying happens online, through a device.
-
Poorer recall
The presence of a smartphone and high conscious phone thought affects memory learning and recall.
-
Sleep disruption
Heavy use of screens is correlated with less and poorer sleep which can lead to depression and behavioral problems.
-
Online dangers
Smartphones expose children and teens to things they are to young to deal with - sexual images, sexual pressure, grooming. They reduce the quality of their relationships with both family and friends.
“The opportunity cost of a phone-based childhood refers to everything children do less of once they get unlimited round-the-clock access to the internet”
The Anxious Generation by Jonathan Haidt
TOOLS
Children learn through copying what we do. When we spend our attention staring at our screens, they naturally want to follow suit. And before you go down a guilt rabbit hole let’s be clear….there is no judgment here. Our phones have been designed to capture as much of our conscious attention as they can. They are based on highly addictive slot machine technology and we all know the effect that they have. We are all victims of their attention sucking ways. It requires concerted, conscious effort to break their spell. This section sets out a series of tools to help you put your phone back in it’s box.
TOOL #1 - Black & White
-
Humans are pretty basic really, we like bright, shiney, novel things because they give us a little hit of dopamine and that makes us feel good. Our phones are a dopamine hit in a box. The colours, the alerts, the noises - they all serve to keep our attention held in a vice. But what happens when we turn the colour off? This exercise is an invitation to make things black and white, literally!
-
Take your smart phone and go to settings
If you have an iphone Go to Accessibility > Display & Text Size > Color Filters. Toggle colour filters on and select grey scale. If you have an Android…
Watch your phone display turn from technicolour to black and white and notice how you feel about your phone now.
Over the next day, observe your behaviour. How often are you checking your phone? Are you getting as lost in it? What changes have you noticed?
TOOL #2 - Sacred Spaces (AKA No Phone Zones)
-
“We carry our phones with us everywhere: around the house, to the office, on the street, to the bathroom, even into our beds (and in the morning, we often turn to them before we greet whoever else might be in the bed with us)”. Catherine Price’s words from The Power of Fun ring painfully true. Our smart phones are a constant presence and so is the pull they have on our attention. Based on highly addictive slot machine technology, they constantly divert us away from the present moment affecting our relationships, our concentration, our productivity and our mental health. How can we start to shift the needle and reclaim our precious attention? One way is to create sacred spaces or no phone zones.
-
Think about the places and moments in your life where you would like to cultivate more connection - maybe it’s your kitchen table, or the walk or drive to school with your kids. Or maybe you manage a team or a business, so it could be the office cafeteria or the meeting rooms or a communal coffee break. Make a list.
Choose one or two places on your list that you are going to designate as a sacred space - a no phone zone.
Notice what happens. What do you see that you might not otherwise have? What conversations do you have? How do you feel being without your phone?
TOOL #3 - People Watch
-
Our screens often act as a barrier behind which we can hide. They shield us from those awkward moments when we’re waiting for someone to show up or we’re experiencing some uncomfortable feelings like sadness or loneliness. And yet, in distracting us from the difficult stuff, they also stop us engaging with the beauty and richness of life. When was the last time you just sat and watched the world go by without your phone, without a book or a newspaper? What would it be like to just sit and people watch?
-
Leave your phone at home (or firmly away), go by yourself somewhere public and find a nice spot to sit - you’re looking for somewhere with a good view of the world going by. It could be a cafe, a restaurant, a bar, a square.
Sit and do nothing, simply watch the world go by. Breathe through any discomfort you feel at having nothing to do.
Notice what unfolds.
TALKING TO OTHER PARENTS
-
Less judgement
We’re all in this together. We all want the best for our children and we need to come together as communities of parents. Tech companies and governments are ultimately responsible for this mess.
-
Talk don't preach
Raise the topic gently, share what you’ve learnt and ask open questions.
-
Acknowledge the challenge
As parents we are in a bind. We either allow our children to access these harmful technologies or we risk them being alienated from their peers. This is not an easy choice and we need to treat each other kindly and with respect.
-
Create a parent pact
When parents collectively agree to delay the introduction of smartphones, the peer pressure factor disappears. The Smartphone Free Childhood movement in the UK has a great resource for creating a Parent Pact.
-
Get playful with it
Accessing our playfulness allows us to stay with hard things for longer. Set your self a challenge to have a phone free Friday or a screen time competition (whoever gets the lowest screen time wins), invite other parents to do the same. Get your kids involved to hold you to account. Have some fun with it!
TALKING TO SCHOOL
-
Acknowledge the hard work
Teachers are trying to do their best for your children - acknowledge this, thank them for their commitment, know and reference the things they already doing.
-
Be on the same team
Teachers are trying to do their best for your children - acknowledge this, thank them for their commitment, know and reference the things they already doing.
-
Transparent communication
Explain the need to delay smart phones.
-
Peer pressure
Acknowledge how peer pressures makes this difficult and highlight the crucial role the school can play.
-
Set clear expectations
Keep phones in lockers during school hours.
Encourage parents to delay smartphones until 16 and explore alternatives instead.
Encourage others schools to adopt the same policies.
-
Share your philosophy
Explain what you think these requests would do.
-
School template letter
Use this template to communicate with your school.
SMARTPHONE ALTERNATIVES
We know that for many, no phone is not an option. Parents want to be able to reach their kids, kids want to be able to communicate with their parents and their friends. Delaying smartphones is what’s key here and providing an alternative can be a great compromise. Here are some child and teen friendly smartphone alternatives.
